Behavioral Addiction: On Recognizing It Early, Normalizing It, and Building a More Honest Relationship With Ourselves

Behavioral addiction is often not an easy term for people to accept, and it is highly likely to be searched for in the wrong place. Addiction is still imagined as something extreme, a point of no return, a pattern that becomes impossible to stop once one is caught inside it. People tend to recognize and make sense of addiction only when they feel that control has been completely lost, life has become disorganized, and there is no way back. For this reason, many individuals feel as though they have already missed the right moment to ask the question. Asking “Am I developing a behavioral addiction?” while still inside the cycle can feel like self-labeling. Yet this question is not a diagnosis. It is a doorway to awareness. And very often, the earlier this door is opened, the more protective it becomes.

Behavioral addiction is not defined by how frequently a behavior occurs, but by what need it serves. When a person continues a behavior not because they genuinely desire it, but because they struggle when they can not do it, that behavior may gradually turn into a regulation tool. This is not about a lack of willpower. Rather, the nervous system and psychological structures step in and select a previously experienced pattern as a safe zone. What is familiar calms us. Repetitive cycles reduce uncertainty. The behavior begins to function as a way to make the place where one feels safe more sustainable and tolerable. These moments are often described as the points where addiction is triggered and temporarily relieved. For this reason, many people embark on a journey not to leave the cycle, but to learn how to live within it. This can be considered one of the most dangerous stages of the brain’s adaptation to addiction, because it can begin to feel like becoming a traveler on a road that never ends. When the pattern is not fully recognized, stopping oneself does not feel possible, and quitting no longer appears as a real choice.

Scientific literature consistently associates behavioral addictions with difficulties in emotion regulation. Common accompanying patterns include emotional suppression or the rapid conversion of emotion into action. Staying with emotional intensity is challenging. Emotions may be experienced as either vague or overwhelmingly intense. The sentence “I don’t know why I feel this way” is often repeated. At times, there is not even a clear emotion, but rather a sense of emptiness. It is precisely in these moments that behavior steps in. Eating, screens, shopping, repetitive routines, or constant busyness begin to replace emotional experience. When these behavioral loops are maintained, distress may temporarily decrease. But when the emptiness returns, the person is left unsure of what to do next. This should not be seen as a weakness, but as a coping strategy.

This pattern is often accompanied by heightened anxiety and intolerance of uncertainty. A lack of structure can create intense discomfort. Moments of nothingness, times when there is no task to complete or responsibility to manage, can act as an alarm for the nervous system. Spontaneity and doing nothing may become threatening rather than soothing. As a result, individuals gravitate toward rigid routines, familiar cycles, and predictable behaviors, shaping their choices around sustaining these patterns. Even when harmful, familiarity can continue to provide a sense of being in a known and therefore safe place. Uncertainty, on the other hand, is more likely to be coded as a potential threat by the nervous system, particularly through the amygdala’s rapid evaluation processes. At this point, behaviors are no longer mere habits. They function as safety strategies.

On a cognitive level, black and white thinking and rumination are frequently observed. The mind, attempting to protect itself, gradually narrows its flexibility. Mental preoccupation increases not only with the behavior itself, but also with thoughts surrounding it. When will I do it. What happens if I don’t. I did it, but it wasn’t enough. These thought loops reinforce the behavior and steadily reduce the person’s capacity to remain independent of it.

Another commonly reported area associated with behavioral addiction is low emotional awareness and alexithymic tendencies. Individuals may struggle to recognize bodily and emotional signals while events are unfolding. Awareness often comes only afterward, during repeated mental replay and analysis of the situation. These realizations typically emerge only when the addiction begins to cause noticeable pain. Earlier on, the dominant experience is “I don’t feel well, but I can’t understand why.” Because the emotional need remains unclear, pathologizing the behavior may provide momentary relief. Yet once the cycle ends, uncertainty returns. As long as the need remains unmet, the person continues to struggle to understand why relief never fully arrives.

In these individuals, self-soothing behaviors are often preferred over social support. Doing replaces talking. Organizing replaces sharing. Rather than asking for help, managing alone becomes the default. While this may appear strong and functional from the outside, it can significantly increase the internal burden.

As the addiction continues to express itself through behavior and the cycle is preserved, a tolerance-like effect may develop. The same relief now requires the behavior to occur more frequently, for longer periods, or with greater intensity. Some individuals may not yet have the language to name what is happening, but begin to notice themselves saying, “It doesn’t soothe me the way it used to, but I still do it.” This sentence marks one of the most critical thresholds of awareness.

Another frequently observed pattern is behavioral substitution. When one behavior decreases, another often intensifies. Eating decreases while screen use increases. Social media decreases while shopping increases. This indicates that the core need is not tied to a specific behavior, but to regulation itself.

For some individuals, this cycle is accompanied by perfectionism, particularly its self-critical and rigid forms. A person who can not convince themselves that they are doing something well enough may withdraw from that domain entirely. Although this may appear as high performance orientation externally, the internal evaluation is so harsh that the individual cannot persuade themselves to keep trying. As a result, even when aware of potential harm, they gravitate toward activities that feel more controllable and provide a sense of competence or approval. Attachment to validation increases. Fear of loss and sensitivity to mistakes deepen. This creates fertile ground for behavioral addiction to persist.

The presence of these indicators does not mean a person is pathological. They can be understood as signals, invitations to become more attuned to oneself. Once these signals are recognized, working with this organization becomes far more possible. Behavioral addiction is not an identity. It is a nervous system and psychological organization. As addiction sensitivity increases, one’s sense of self may feel eroded, sometimes emerging as a feeling of being lost. In this context, saying “I am someone who is prone to developing addiction” is not self-stigmatization, but self-protection. This awareness allows for stopping before harm deepens.

Perhaps the real question is not “Am I addicted?” but “In which moments do I struggle to stay with myself, and how do I try to compensate for that?” Being able to ask this question is the first spark toward reorganizing life and a powerful beginning for seeing from a different perspective.